I lay here smothered and lost in a mountain of children. The room is darkened and the kids have decided to sleep in the presence of the two people who warm their souls. Their parents. My husband lie’s on one end of the bed sound asleep, awaiting his dreaded 4:00 a.m. wake up call for work. Sometimes I wonder how he can sleep through all the talking, the crying, the jumping, and the wiggling. He is a hard worker. I on the other hand lie in between my two youngest. My arms spread out above my head and two little wiggly worms move restlessly about. My eldest found his way into the room and sleeps soundly on the floor below me. I’m sure if he could fit he would have joined us on this covered bed. Time passes and I can feel their bodies become more still. They snuggle in with their legs wrapped around mine and their heads buried into my arms. The room is quiet at last. These are the times I wish I had my hands free, these are the times I wish I could type. Here is where the miracle begins to play.
I could take my thoughts in two directions. I could lie there with my neck bent and my body twisted wishing real comfort. I could feel sorry for myself because the truth is, I don’t have a life outside of my children. I could cry because atlas they are asleep and I am too tired to stay awake and be in peace. Instead, I looked at their sound faces and they became my peace. Wow, I thought. I made life. There are all of these different little souls surrounding me and I made them, we made them. This is the life that I wanted, the life that I asked for. Nothing more, nothing less. I asked god for a huge family. I wanted all of the love that I could possibly get to surround me throughout all of my days. So, I laid there and thanked god for all that he had given me and all that he had blessed me with. I wanted to know that when I looked back on this moment someday, that I in my heart of hearts I knew and could see everything that was right in front of me. I am a mom. What a powerful word that is. I am there to nurture, to care for, to love, to teach and to play. I am their world, their everything. Sometimes I forget that while I’m wrapped up in my own aspirations of what I need to do in life. I get the chance to create such good memories with them, ones to be proud of. They are the inspiration of everything I will ever do. So I laid there and I became thankful in a moment of unexplainable joy.
Of course that was a moment. Fifteen minutes later, I went to lie them in their beds and they began to cry and wanted to lay with me again for about another hour before they became tired. I fell asleep crooked and uncomfortable. The truth is, I have really GOOD moments in my life. I also have moments of frustration. This is motherhood all entwined in one and I love every bit of it.